My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
