Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Green mimosas i think yes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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