You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize