Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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