he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
