I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
