It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
