I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
