Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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