His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
