it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize