Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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