Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
