uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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