All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
