its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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