Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
