I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
