Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize