I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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