OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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