I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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