you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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