Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Randomize
