Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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