Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You don't make any sense
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