I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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