Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
