you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
