not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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