Say something about gay babies.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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