Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
