If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
