maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Did I show you my penis last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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