I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We had to coat check the pizza.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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