Already got asked if we're dating
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
