one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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