I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
