Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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