I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize