My hand turned me down
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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