You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
