So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
