pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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