I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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