first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
