Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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