tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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