Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize