I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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