My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
