Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
