Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
is it fun? or sober?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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