and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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