my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
