I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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