there's paper in my vomit.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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