I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
