I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
