If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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