He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
