come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
