bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
