If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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