Your face is a jimmy john
Screwed.edu
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
