Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
