I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
