New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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