I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
