don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
how drunk are you?
Several
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
