wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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