he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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