I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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