he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
