Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
