Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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