Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I AM VODKA MAN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
