I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
