Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
