Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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