she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
