I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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