What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
