wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
