My ATM looks so different sober.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
