i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
