I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
