I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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