I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
