So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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