Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you win again, gameday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize