I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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