maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize