My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
