fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
