omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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