my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
