So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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