Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
tell me about the eggs
Randomize