At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
